Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges.

The kids spent the night with my mom last night so John and I could see this movie (and then talk about how depressed it made me feel, what with the crappy way Smith leaves Pocahontas high and dry after she loses her entire identity and way of life to be with him, and the way Smith admits his imperialistic way of life and intentions towards a peaceful and giving culture are harmful and wrong, but then doesn't really do much about it, except go off to find more of the world to invade. I have no idea how much of this was embellished for the sake of ticket sales, but it depressed me nonetheless. We were going to see the new Woody Allen movie instead, but we didn't want to drive the extra three miles to the theater where it was showing. Laziness. It gets me every time.). When we got to my mom's this morning to pick the boys up, we found them enjoying her latest contribution to their appreciation for life: high quality red cardboard-felt cowboy hats and stationary horses from the store I loathe that they could "ride" while watching hours of TV.

"Dad! Mom! Look what we got! Can we take them home??!" John and I looked at my mom the way we always do when she buys them new toys (which is EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. SHE SEES THEM.), silently shouting with our eyes, "what are you doing to us, woman?!" And she met our glares with the very logical reason she'd been prepared to give us all morning: "Well, we couldn't resist, they were just so cute! And they were on clearance for $17.00, I mean, COME ON!" Well, obviously, people. $17.00 x 2 horses, plus a few dollars for the hats, plus tax - what are we talking? $50.00 for a fun-filled outing to Low Price Land and cheap, child-labor derived objects that will entertain them for a whole day?! Who would be able to resist that? And let me just say, that money definitely wouldn't have been better spent on educational savings for them. SCREW THAT! College is a whole 15 years away - we don't need to think about it now, worry-warts! We have to teach them the value of BUYING THINGS, right? Because when Bryce got into my mom's car yesterday and demanded to know if she had bought any new toys for him, he didn't say it with quite enough aggression and pushiness in his voice -- we obviously need to work on that. My mom is just fighting the good fight, god bless her. A $17.00 horse today, an additional five dozen matchbox cars to join the other dust-covered ones under couches tomorrow: she'll turn them into rampant, ad-driven consumers in no time! Well, someone's gotta do it. John and I, with all our talk of "savings" and "education" have probably set the kids' Consumer Mentality Status back by at least a decade.

I will admit that that kids spent the entire afternoon playing with the horses and wearing their new hats. For some reason, they decided it would be completely appropriate and not at all dangerous to put themselves and the horses into the skull-shattering tile shower. I never got an explanation for this, but despite all my helpful verbal warnings to Quinn not to fall, he did. Head first, still on the horse, which caused and also broke the fall, out of the shower onto the bathroom floor. But not before he and Bryce had the chance to gleefully defy my repeated commands to come out. Look how much fun they had in their defiance:



Aww, who cares about the college fund anyway? It's just so cute. Maybe they'll find a way to make a career out of manipulating loved ones into buying them whatever they need or want, thus eliminating any need for college in the first place! It's brilliant! Consumerism, manipulation, greed, and hedonistic pursuits; who needs a college fund when you can teach them all this?!