As it turns out (according to WebMD), between .002 and .003% of people "in the Western world" poke around enough on their jaws every year to find salivary gland tumors and subsequently face the risk of facial paralysis at worst, temporary pain and numbness during a long surgery recovery at best. This year, I am one of those people. I've touched on this subject before, and it is this subject that led to my recent blacklisting of the medical community. Had I listened to or trusted my general physician, I wouldn't 1.) know I have a tumor, 2.) know there's a 25% chance this tumor could grow an aggressive personality and decide overnight to become malignant and metastasize to other parts of my body, 3.) be preparing for the inevitable and obligatory surgery to remove it. I haven't decided the best way to communicate my alarming disgust and displeasure directly to my former doctor (who told me she "didn't think a parotid tumor was what was going on with me" and that "it was just some swollen lymph nodes"). John thought I should print a copy of the WebMD information with a sickeningly sweet thank you note, referencing her remarkable attention to detail, high level of concern and personal responsibility to her patients, and prompt, direct communication. Given the fact that she missed one of two bullet points on a one-paragraph radiology report, though, I'm not sure she'd be able to read between the lines on that one. I'm still thinking through my strategy, but I know nothing about complaints to medical boards and only assume the whole ordeal is going to be confusing and time-consuming.