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To the woman who opened my shower door this morning:

I know we all have a lot going on in our heads, and 6:30 a.m. is a time of day when our brain function may be particularly compromised, especially after an hour of sweating on the treadmill. I'll give you that.

And I can imagine that, with said compromised brain function, when you realized you'd left your 79-cent fake orange loofah on top of the shampoo container in the shower stall, it seemed a lot more traumatic and horrible than it actually was. I mean, it must have seemed traumatic and horrible since you made the conscious decision to forego any social or cultural conditioning your 40 plus years have bestowed upon you and barge into the shower stall I was using, the one where the water was running and the large, heavy door was closed, to rescue your precious loofah and say in a voice smacking of entitlement and snobbery words that did not match your haughty tone, "Oh, sorry. I left this in here."

I can definitely give you the benefit of the doubt, even with that underlying territorial "I own the world" tone of voice you were sporting, and chalk your act of blatant rudeness and disrespect up to the temporary insanity one may occasionally experience on little sleep, no food, and running on the leftover adrenaline from a difficult workout.

However, when I (now fully clothed) came out to the sinks to dry my hair, and you came over with a sheepish (yet oddly still haughty) grin on your face, you confirmed for me that you do, in fact, have some social couth. And because I know that, I can't let go of the fact that when you said, "Huh, I guess I should have waited until you got out!" and I said, "Yes, you should have. Or, I don't know - maybe you could have just knocked!" you turned away from me and mumbled, "well, I just reached in and got it quickly" as if I had forfeited my chance for an apology from the owner of the universe herself. First of all, you didn't just "reach in and get it quickly." The doors are large and heavy (side note: they are large and heavy to provide this thing called "privacy" - you apparently haven't heard of it), and for you to get what you needed, the door had to be opened halfway, and let's not forget that to "get it quickly" you had to REACH INTO MY SHOWER. Regardless of your lame justification, last time I checked, O Mighty One, two things: 1.) I didn't have to ask your permission before picking a shower stall, and 2.) typically in this HUMAN community, when one apologizes, one does not turn away and make a sarcastic / justifying / nonchalant comment to the person receiving the apology.

Oh yeah, and also this: BITE ME.