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I'm saying "UNCLE," now, okay?

I remember when I was pregnant with Bryce, how I would see kids in public and think, "my kid will not be allowed to act that way." And I remember John, already seasoned parent, telling me, "you'll see." And I remember blowing him off, with, "Oh yeah? You wanna test me? YOU'LL see."

Six years ago, while pregnant with my first child, I was so sure that with all of the focused effort and energy I was going to put into parenting my kids, they simply were not going to be kids who'd loudly demand to eat bites off of my plate in a public location, or who'd dash away from me the minute we stepped foot outside whatever restaurant we'd just innocently patronized, causing me to run after them frantically, cursing their names, their chosen, precious names all the way. Or who would, for instance, do everything I'd ever told them NOT to do...no, no, no, that would NEVER be acceptable from my kids, and therefore it would never happen.

All I have to say right now is, DAMN YOU, UNIVERSE. You are a sadist! You KNOW I've worked myself into a frenzy over these kids, teaching them with purposeful lessons about boundaries, expectations, social interaction, familial apprecation. You know that despite the numerous stress-inducing experiences I've lived through over the past six years, my focus has remained my kids, and making sure they have everything they need, including the appropriate amount of "rules" necessary for creatures new to this world to be successful. But none of that matters, does it, Universe? Oh, no. I dared to say, "my kids won't act that way" and now you've got to throw it violently into my face, don't you? DON'T YOU?! Does it make you feel like a really BIG universe to squash us little peons like the ants you already know we are? Are you enjoying your little voodoo doll session with me? Now let's have him negotiate with her again, yeah! Yeah!! Now have the little one throw a toy -- oh wait, this is genius -- have it knock over something on table! Okay, make the big one do that maniacal laugh he's so good at!! YES!! See how her face is turning red and her jaw is clenched?! THAT WAS PERFECT!

You win, damn it. YOU WIN. I give up. What do I need to do? Sacrifice something? You've already got my ego and my sanity; what more do you want?