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That Stupid Wolf - It Gets You Every Time

I think by now I've made it clear that Bryce is in constant, loud communication with us about his every move. He yells as much in excitement and happiness as he does in anger and fear - it's just the way he is. Unfortunately for him, it's had a bit of a "boy who cried wolf" effect on the rest of us. Now when I hear shrieks coming from another portion of the house, I'm not overly concerned. I usually finish whatever bonbon I'm savoring, take another sip of capuccino, read the last sentence of whatever magazine article I'm enjoying, and then slowly, casually look up and make sure there are no feet poking through the ceiling rafters. Of course it always checks out, so I blink twice and go back to my day of leisure. The screams mean nothing to me.

So you'll understand, then, why I didn't flinch at dinner when Bryce announced at his usual jet engine volume, "I have to GO PO-TTY!!" I said, "that's fine, Bryce. Go ahead." "OKAY!!" he screamed as he ran down the hall at top speed. We all went back to eating. To be honest, I think I forgot he was even IN the bathroom.

All of a sudden, the entire foundation of the house cracked with the force of an agonizing bellow from the bathroom. It was followed by the sound of a terrified four-year-old crying. But you see, this is so much within the realm of normal for us, that none of us really even flinched. Even Quinn just kept shoveling spaghetti into his bottomless pit of a belly. After enough time had passed that I could verify Bryce wasn't fake crying or role playing in some strange bathroom skit, I went to check on him.

"What's wrong??"

"AAAA!!! The toilet seat fell on my penis!! It HURT!!"

The entire toilet seat was down, Bryce's pants were still around his knees, and he was standing there, in shock, I think. I'm sure I would be too, to be so rudely and painfully interrupted in the middle of an every day act such as peeing.

What I was wondering as I stifled my laughter and simultaneously winced in pain for him was, how long did he stand there and scream while the toilet seat was smashing his future manhood? If only his screams actually alerted his housemates to danger, someone might have made it to his rescue sooner. Poor boy.