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The pit of my stomach: where anxiety goes to die.

Hi, nervousness! You've been missing me, haven't you? All those months of predictability were really getting you down, making you jealous, but I've learned my lesson. Oh yes. Do not leave Nervousness out in the cold. Nervousness loves company. Nervousness loves Kristen. Today alone, every single aspect of my life has welcomed Nervousness back in: personal, professional emotional - Nervousness all around! Weeeee!! Aren't I lucky that I have naturally low blood pressure? Yes, I am. Also, wine helps.

Not enough family dynamics making your heart beat a little faster? Well, why don't we bring back the issue of the disagreements between the in-laws and the parenting of the stepdaughter? That should get the ol' blood pumping again!

Getting too complacent with the nice people at work thinking you're "hard-working" and "worthy" and "deserving of a salary for another year"? A quick teaming up with an incompetent co-worker to bring your work ethic into question should do the trick!

Starting to be too damned optimistic about the future of your quirky children's education? Here's a thought: submit an application for your younger child to the school your older child attends. Then, when the school calls and says, vaguely, "uh, would you consider placing your younger kid - who consequently doesn't have the right numbers printed on this test paper - placed in a class 18 months below his chronological age?" go ahead and express your honest opinion that, no, that would not be a good option, because putting your then four-year-old into a class full of three-year-olds seems like it would be detrimental to a kid who clearly needs more challenge, not less, and wait in silent, nail-biting anticipation for the reaction on the other end of the phone. "Hmm. We might have to put him on the waiting list, then." Yeah, that'll bring Nervousness right back in to warm its hands by the raging fire of unknowns.

And after a day like today, all I can do is thank my lucky stars that I have naturally low blood pressure. I think it's what's keeping me alive at this point.

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